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'Twas
the Night Before
the Christ Came,
written and illustrated
by Bonnie
~ WITHDRAWAL ~
When we are engaged, we probably assume that we will have a close, intimate relationship in our marriages. However, many women confess that their husbands keep them at a distance or even treat them coldly.
Those same women often share that when they were dating, that same husband paid them a lot of attention. They listened attentively, they shared deep dreams. When we are getting to know someone that we like, we tend to do and say things that will make the other person happy. We avoid what makes the other person unhappy. We overlook faults. We build trust. We build respect. We fall in love.
Some couples are able to maintain that deep level of intimacy. Some let it slip away and desperately want it back, but they don't know what happened. Chances are, if you're reading this, you're less than thrilled about the current state of intimacy in your marriage.
Once upon a time, we were honest and open. We were gracious and accepting of one another. We overlooked one another's faults. As time went by, we felt very safe with one another.
But the problem is that we are sinners. We all have a dark side. We have faults. We have "needs." A wife's needs aren't necessarily her husband's needs. We each grew up in different homes and have different expectations. We have different ideas about what is expected in many different areas - how money should be spent and handled - what kind of house is 'perfect' - how the house should be furnished and the level of cleanliness - how the kids should act and be treated - what is expected sexually - spiritually ... The list goes on and on.
Eventually we hit an area where our expectations aren't the same as our husbands. We 'complain.' Maybe it's just a hint we're not happy at first. But our husband hears that disappointment and men don't deal well with that. Men have big egos and need their wife's admiration. When he feels he begins to lose that, to protect himself, he builds a little wall. Deep within, we recognize this distance, and fear and hurt stirs within us. With each little criticism, he withdrawals slightly more, and we both build the wall ever so slightly more. It starts a cycle that begins to repeat itself.
We were created to be one, but Satan and our flesh work to separate us. Sometimes it's the man that complains about the wife. Sometimes both complain. Sometimes two people that started out passionately 'in love' can end up feeling like they hate one another.
This isn't a hopeless situation. It's still possible to recapture that love and respect you had for one another initially.
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Let
us encourage one another as we grow in our walk with the Lord!
Titustwo.net is
a private, family-owned ministry. We are doctrinally
conservative, evangelical,
non-denominational christians, "growing in the grace and knowledge
of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ"; (2Peter 3:18)
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